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什么?用跑步横扫12所顶尖大学的录取?

2020-04-29 10:00:13 来源:江博教育 作者:江博教育

17岁的高三男生MartinAltenburg收到了12所全美顶尖大学的录取,其中包括8所常春藤大学(哈佛、耶鲁、普林斯顿、布朗、宾大、哥大、达特茅斯、康奈尔),芝加哥大学、斯坦福大学、麻省理工学院MIT、加州理工学院Caltech,让人不得不羡慕、不得不佩服。

 

Myfavorite time to run is at night.


This particular run inearly August brought a break to the humid, muggy weather I left onthe East Coast. I used my body as a human psychrometer, knowing thatthe cold feeling of evaporating sweat signaled much needed dryair.


I cross over the bridge into Minnesota. Out of mythree sports, cross country is definitely my worst — but I continueto be hooked on it. Unlike swimming and track, my motivation to runis heavily intrinsic. I live for the long runs I take on by myself.While they rarely happen during our season, we were assigned a longrun to complete over our first weekend of cross country. In reality,I was supposed to go six miles, but felt eight gave me more time toexplore the home I had just returned to. My mind begins to wander asI once again find my rhythm.

My train of thought whilerunning is similar to the way one thinks in the minutes before sleep— except one has more control over how these thoughts progress andwhat tangents they move off of. While special relativity would be the"proper" thing to think about, especially at MITES, Irevive the violin repertoire I had turned away from for so long andbegin playing it in my head. I'm now at the edge of town in betweenthe cornfields. The streaming floodlights on the open road give me asense of lonely curiosity, reminiscent of the opening lines ofWieniawski's first violin concerto. I come up with adaptations of themelody in my head, experimenting with an atonality similar toStravinsky's.

I turn south onto a highway heading towardsdowntown. The dark night sky is broken by the oncoming lightpollution. While I've longed for a road trip across the country, theneon lights from Sunset Lanes will have to do for Las Vegas. Turningwest, I see a man and perk up as I try to look more menacing than Ireally am. But I relinquish. I realize that I did such an act simplybecause of the color of his skin. I kick myself for reverting topassive racism — something I spent much of the summer trying toovercome.

The bridge over Main Avenue leads me back intoNorth Dakota and downtown Fargo. My city is on the eve of its annualpride week — the largest in North Dakota. Beyond the rainbow flagslining downtown, I see the Catholic cathedral I attend every Sundayoutside of the summer. The juxtaposition brings back memories oftrying to come to terms with my own beliefs. The conservatism on mymom's side of the family often clashes with the more liberal views ofmy dad's family. Fargo is known for its "nice" attitude,but the discussion of controversial issues is often set aside infavor of maintaining peace. On the surface this can be good, but itmakes change a long and cumbersome process, and has caused me tobecome very independent in finding my own belief system — somethingespecially difficult when these beliefs may have to do with yourfuture identity.

The remaining part of my run is short anduneventful. The fact that the traffic lights have switched toblinking yellow and red means that I have been out later than usual.When I get home, I find that my run took somewhere around an hour —I honestly don't care about time during my distance runs. Longs runsare often seen as a runner battling the distance rather than time.But for me, long runs are a journey — both physically and mentally.Each time I run a route, I understand my surroundings and city moreand more, and couldn't be more excited and sad to know that I'mleaving this place in a year's time. 

这篇文章从申请人的热爱谈起:跑步。跑步在美国是个普及很广泛的体育项目,这就注定了该话题能够引起招生官的共鸣。但是话题本身是个双刃剑,容易落入俗套。所以作者就从比较俗的跑步话题,做了进一步的延伸,写到了他的内心深处,写到了他的家庭,这样层层深入、环环紧扣的创作引起了读者的兴趣。最后得出一个结论:长跑给自己身心都是锻炼。通过跑步,把自己的性格特点也完全地展示出来,赢得了招生官的亲睐。

 

文章优点:

1)故事精彩;

2)开头使用短句子吸引眼球;

3)故事与感悟完美结合。

 

可供借鉴之处:  

1.发掘独无二的故事;

2.用精准的语言表达出来自己的故事;

3.用生动的语言雕刻自己的文书。

 

用词:

1.muggy 一词用得非常精妙,巧妙得突出了当地的气候特点;

2.tangent 切线,相切;接触;离题,

3.Juxtaposition 并置,并列;毗邻;这个精准描写了两个物体的相邻位置

4.Cumbersome笨重的;累赘的;难处理的

 

句型:

1.My favorite time to run is at night. 开篇就点题,做本文内容预设。

2.On the surface this can be good, but it makes change a long and cumbersome process, and has caused me to become very independent in finding my own belief system — something especially difficult when these beliefs may have to do with your future identity. 此句从实到了虚,在写作中,如果要做立意的转化一定要虚实结合,从实到虚实我们要掌握的技巧。

 

MartinAltenburg来自美国北达科他州一个名叫Fargo小镇,在申请季,他也不确定自己有多少把握获得录取,于是他全部申请了。他说:“我爸妈本来不想让我申请这些学校,因为他们担心我要负担全部学费,而这些大学学费太贵,部分大学的就读费用都超过了我家的年收入。”他要想申请这类顶尖大学,经济条件并不是唯一的障碍——他没有太多渠道去了解这些顶尖大学的相关信息。而且和其他同学一样,他并不保证自己能在这些大学里如鱼得水,取得成功。刚进高中时,他甚至没有考虑过自己能被藤校录取。

 

家境不好,了解的信息受阻,依然不影响学霸逆袭。

 

不过在了解招生流程之后,他对自己充满信心,认为自己不仅有潜力申请优质大学,甚至还可能脱颖而出。于是他把自己的申请目标尽量定稿,申请了全美所有的一流高校。

 

“我们是一个低收入的家庭,所以我想自己尽力,去看看自己可以到达多高,能不能得到一份好的工作,让我了解世界如何运作,并且自己能做到真正对这个世界有影响。“他说。

 

学霸Martin Altenburg有着强烈的求知欲,他的高中成绩是最高分——5分,修了所有AP科目,其中包括生物学,欧洲历史,人文地理,英语,微积分和化学等等。

 

“我喜欢参加AP考试并学习AP科目,因为AP课程可以让你像大学生一样学习。”他说。

 

当这名学霸修完了他所在的高中提供的所有数学课,他在高二暑期参加了MIT的暑期项目MITES,并修了课程微积分2(CalculusII );在高三的上学期,他在本地的一所大学上了课程微积分3(CalculusIII )。

 

他考了ACT,也考了SAT。ACT的成绩是35分(满分36),SAT是1510分。他用了ACT成绩申请大学。

 

从成绩来看,Martin Altenburg是妥妥的学霸,有着强烈的求知欲,修了一系列高难度课程,并且都是满分。他参加过很多数学竞赛,是FargoYouthInitiative项目的创始人和共同主席。除此之外,他有音乐和体育方面的特长,擅长小提琴,在越野、田径、游泳运动方面参加过比赛。

 

这篇完美的文书又一次例证了好故事+生动的经历最能打动人心。在新一季的申请中,希望学子都充分挖掘自身亮点+闪光点,最终获得心仪学校的录取!

 

特别鸣谢江博留学文书顾问张玮伟老师

 

 

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