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没有出彩的软件活动怎么“套路”耶鲁大学

2018-07-04 09:44:48 来源:江博教育 作者:江博教育

今年录取季已经接近尾声,藤校录取极其惨烈,录取率均创新低,不少奔着名校去的学霸们连连被拒,哈佛大学总体录取率是4.59%,跌破5%,普林斯顿仅为5.5%,耶鲁连续第二年扩招,录取率6.31%,为三校最高。过硬的学术实力是名校考虑的一方面,优秀的软件和文书更是名校倾向的选择,今天我们来看看耶鲁的录取文书,希望可以对今年爬藤的学生和家长们有所启发。

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今年录取季已经接近尾声,藤校录取极其惨烈,录取率均创新低,不少奔着名校去的学霸们连连被拒,哈佛大学总体录取率是4.59%,跌破5%,普林斯顿仅为5.5%,耶鲁连续第二年扩招,录取率6.31%,为三校最高。过硬的学术实力是名校考虑的一方面,优秀的软件和文书更是名校倾向的选择,今天我们来看看耶鲁的录取文书,希望可以对今年爬藤的学生和家长们有所启发。

People say that inner beauty matters more than outer beauty. But when I looked into the mirror and saw my face covered with unsightly blemishes, it was hard to tell myself that and believe it. By the time I entered high school, my acne had gotten worse, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. So in the summer of ninth grade, I embarked on an unexpectedly difficult and emotionally trying quest for clear skin, an experience that culminated in one of my proudest achievements.

My typical daily diet consisted of sugary cereal for breakfast; salty turkey sandwiches, soda, and chips for lunch; a candy bar for snack; and rice and fried noodles for dinner. I never thought that my diet would be a cause of my acne, but the possibility first came to me when I was reading a skincare article. Desperate for a cure, I searched “clear skin diet” on the Internet. The websites that turned up all echoed the same message: a balanced and healthy diet is crucial for beautiful skin. The recommended foods listed included large portions of fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, and fish; 8 glasses of water daily and only small amounts of high-sodium, high-fat, and high-sugar foods. I researched further and found out that the expensive chemical cleansers that I had been using were not the answer-gentle face washes and a coat of sunblock were inexpensive products that could reduce breakouts. I knew that changing my entire diet and skincare routine would require a tremendous amount of commitment and willpower. But determined to improve my skin and my self-confidence, I began to transform my lifestyle. I started by incorporating fruits and vegetables into my meals and replacing sugary cereal with whole grains, chips with carrots, and fried noodles with salmon. For a long, painful week, I stuck to this diet and restrained myself from any junk food. My skin was noticeably smoother, clearer, and brighter. Yet I found myself relapsing, unable to continue for long without indulging myself, unable to swallow the horribly plain salads and chewy carrots. Every time I stopped, the acne came back. It came to the point where I despised the acne and coveted the clear skin enough to force myself back on track. It became an excruciating pattern of cravings and self-restraint. I struggled with these two impulses until I became used to healthy eating, even enjoying it. Now, two years later, my skin is better than ever and I have never gone back to eating the way I had before.

I have no awards or medals to show for my particular achievement. But no academic distinction in the world can match what I gained from my experience with changing my diet: healthier skin, self-confidence, and newfound mental strength. Above all, I realized that by improving my outer appearance, I had enriched my inner appearance.

推荐原因

文章所选用的素材是特别不起眼的事情,单纯地描述了申请者自己为了目标所付出的努力和所达到的效果,并未对这个社会有任何贡献,也没有特别高大上的立意。对于那些在软件比较不出彩但比较有想法的学生们,这是很好的一种思路,可以借鉴。

 

文书分析

1、把握结构

文章属于三段式结构,开头和结尾篇幅较短,但做到了首尾呼应;中间段则以她的经历讲述事件过程

2、观点升华

作者开门见山式地提出了一个比较有趣的观点,最终又就该观点和自身经历得出了一个升华

3、情感真挚

文字真挚细腻,充分地让读者感受了她内心的起起落落和经历的反反复复

4、正视自己

写作比较直白,作者较为真实地展示了自己的不足,也有力地体现了自己的长处

开头的“inner beauty matters more than outer beauty” “one of my proudest achievement”和结尾的“by improving my outer appearance, I had enriched my inner appearance” “no awards or medals to show for my particular achievement”从内容和形式上都得到了呼应,虽然文字有限,但是阐述的观点非常直接而又铿锵有力。在观点阐述之后,作者又毫不掩饰地表现出自己作为女孩子对美的渴望,即便是外在的美也异常地重要,皮肤状况给她带来的自卑感成为她想要改变自己的导火索,犹如丢入平静湖面的小石子,激起了作者内心的涟漪,而内心波澜引发的一系列动作和后续反应就促使了作者的成长。这样的写作方式非常值得借鉴,每一步都是一环扣一环地进行着,使得内容衔接很顺畅、信息更真实。

第二段虽然长,但在三段式的文章当中也是恰到好处,完整地交代了长痘的原因、抗痘的艰辛反复过程、心路的变更历程以及最终战胜痘痘的收获。每个部分都有效的体现了作者潜在的个人能力和心理特征,对于长痘起因的探索和总结体现了作者的信息搜索能力和分析能力,对于抗痘过程中的小收获和不断的妥协则使得经历更加真实地体现了人性,但最终理性因素和爱美之心击败了不健康习惯的诱惑,成功地养成了持久的良好习惯,这体现了作者的自我控制力和超强毅力,而这些能力正是被大学所看重的。那么我们可以说每段设置、每个环节、每个起伏都是作者有意的表述,最终当然也成功地攻克了OA。

全文作者对自己的不足和人性的特质都毫不避讳的展现,“for a long, painful week”用形容词有效描述了内心对于克己过程的抵制心理,“unable to swallow the horribly plain salads and chewy carrots”中“吞咽”“可怕的”字眼也真实地反映出她对健康饮食的不喜,“It became an excruciating pattern of cravings and self-restraint”说明了人性对于美和美食的平衡和战争的反复过程,也侧面说出了作者在改变自己过程中的艰辛。人性中对美好事物的渴望和对自我放纵的默许是再常见不过的了,一点也不造作,而作者通过心理的不断调整和行动的不断突破,最终战胜了放纵行为,实现了自身的提升或者飞跃,这一切的变化犹如破茧成蝶。虽然在学术上没有出众的成果证明,而从这样的变化过程也能够窥探到申请者的潜质和毅力。

 

从另一角度而言,这也是一段作者发现自我、肯定自我的过程,一个从无到有的进化。

 

语言分析

1. Embark: 乘船;装载;着手;从事。同义词有“launch、commence、start”,而这个词带有未知的冒险的成分。

常用词组是embark for,embark on/upon,embark in。

2. Echo基本意思是“回音,反响”,可表示“重复”,“随声附和”,“反映”等意思,本文的意思是“重复”。

Echo off: disappear slowly

Their voice echoed off into the night.

Echo with: be filled with the repeating effect of a sound

 

The room echoed with the sound of music.

 

 

上一篇文章:这样的文书录了宾大

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