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关于托福写作,你走过哪些弯路?

2017-11-17 09:51:28 来源:江博教育 作者:红敏老师

都说托福写作套路十足

可是很多同学没走套路却走弯路

除了e-rater屏蔽掉的三大硬伤:语法,重复,抄袭

同学们最容易走的弯路出现在:扣题,逻辑,语言

昨天阿迪亚老师讲了口语中的审题

今天红敏老师就说说写作中的扣题

扣题并不容易

因为很多同学的问题是,

并没有跑题,

却也并没有扣题

请看红敏老师刚刚批改的这篇作文↓↓↓

 

[分论点]Field trips can increase children’s interest in studying and therefore to improve grades. [细节论述]Field trips allow children to observe things in person and to be fully emerged into the wonderfulness of the great nature. This can make children’s studying becomes more interesting. No single child does not have the curiosity to explore things, and being participated in the trips can solve the questions they were previously curious about. Consequently, they will find studying and exploring things appealing to them so that they will be more willing to study and have better academic performances. For example, I have a 7-year-old nephew who is currently in second grade at a primary school. During his first year at school, there was not any kind of field trips and he kept telling me that schools were boring and not a single thing was there that seemed attractive to him. However, at the beginning of his second year, his school organized a forest trip and he got the chance to observe some lovely animals which he dreamed to have a glimpse at. He has already attended four of the field trips and could not help telling me how wonderful it is to study and as a result, his grades are all above A.

 

点评

优点

语言和句式写的不错哦,所以是个英语基础还可以的孩子。

缺点

1. 从细节论述的第一句话开始,就已经在偷偷改变field trip的定义,正常来讲,field trip指的是实地考察,包括参观工厂,实验室,作坊,博物馆,动物园等,而去看大自然这是缩小概念,即无意识地跑题。Field trips allow children to observe things in person and to be fully emerged into the wonderfulness of the great nature. 

2. 细节论述第二句话and being participated in the trips can solve the questions they were previously curious about. 这又放大了field trip的作用,意思是field trip可以解决所有孩子们好奇的问题,包治百病,过于主观,需要有解释才能有道理。

3. 在例子扣题性上,例子部分只扣了field trip让学校生活更有趣,和学习的关系并没有细节解释,属于没跑题,却不够扣题。

细节决定成败,是不是觉得红敏老师火眼金睛看得过细,可是,这些全部都是扣分点哦。

红敏老师讲的听懂了的请点赞!


 

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